At 7pm on Thursday 15 October, thousands of people across the UK will light a candle and leave it burning for an hour. Then, an hour later, people one time zone along will do the same. And so on, all the way around the world, until there has been a candle lit somewhere for a full day.
That’s the Wave of Light. It closes Baby Loss Awareness Week, which runs from 9 to 15 October every year, and it’s a moment to remember every baby who died during pregnancy, at birth or soon after.
I write this as John-Ian’s dad. So this one isn’t a hot take. It’s about what social media looks like when it’s at its kindest, and about a charity that has spent more than 40 years making sure bereaved families don’t go through this alone.
A week that started with a ribbon
Baby Loss Awareness Week began in the UK in 2002, started by a group of charities including Sands, Bliss, Tommy’s and The Lullaby Trust. It began with pink and blue ribbon pins. Now it’s backed by well over a hundred organisations, and it has three aims: to remember, to raise awareness, and to push for better care so fewer families go through it.
The need is real. According to Sands, around 13 babies die every day in the UK shortly before, during or soon after birth. At least one in six pregnancies ends in miscarriage. Behind every one of those numbers is a family, and very often a family who feels they can’t talk about it.
That silence is the thing this week works hardest to break.
Social media turns a quiet candle into a shared one
Lighting a candle at home is a private thing. For a lot of bereaved parents, it always has been. What social media has added is the knowledge that you’re not the only one doing it.
On the night, people post a photo of their candle with #WaveOfLight, and through the week you’ll see #BabyLossAwarenessWeek across every feed. Scroll through either hashtag and you’ll find candles on windowsills, in kitchens, next to tiny knitted hats and framed scan photos. Some posts have names. Some have dates. Some have nothing but a flame, and that’s enough.
For someone sitting alone with a candle, seeing hundreds of others lit at the same moment changes how the evening feels. It goes from “I’m the only one” to “look how many of us there are”.
One candle is a memory. Thousands of them, posted at 7pm, is a community saying their names out loud.
Why is saying their name the whole point?
Ask most bereaved parents what they want from the people around them, and you’ll hear the same thing: say my baby’s name. Don’t change the subject. Don’t pretend it didn’t happen.
Social media gives people a gentle way to do that. A parent can share their baby’s name and know it’ll be seen. A friend can comment “thinking of you and Freddie tonight” without having to find the right words face to face. A colleague can drop a candle emoji and a heart. None of it fixes anything, but all of it says “your baby mattered, and I remember”.
It also helps people who’ve never spoken about their loss. Plenty of parents read the posts for years before ever sharing their own. Some never post at all. They still feel less alone for having seen it.
How does Sands make it easy to take part?
This is where Sands, the stillbirth and neonatal death charity, really shines. They don’t just ask people to join in. They make joining in simple, and they make sure there’s support waiting for anyone the evening stirs things up for.
- A live candle lighting. Every year at 7pm on 15 October, Sands holds a live candle lighting on its Facebook page, so people can light theirs together, in real time, wherever they are.
- Ready-made images. Sands shares an “I am lighting a candle” image you can download and post, which takes the pressure off finding the words.
- A free helpline. Trained bereavement support staff answer calls on 0808 164 3332, and you can email helpline@sands.org.uk. Interpreters are available through Language Line.
- Support all year round. More than 100 local groups across the UK, mostly run by bereaved parents, plus a UK-wide befriender network, an online community and the Sands Bereavement Support app.
And it doesn’t stop at support. Sands puts bereaved parents’ experiences at the centre of research into why babies die, and works with politicians and decision makers to improve maternity care. Their line says it all: saving babies’ lives, supporting bereaved families.
If you run a brand account this week, be thoughtful
This is a marketing site, so a word for anyone running a business account. Awareness weeks are not content opportunities. If your brand has no real connection to baby loss, the kindest thing you can do is usually to share Sands’ posts rather than make your own.
If you do post, a few simple rules. No sales message, no discount code, no “link in bio to shop”. Don’t schedule your usual upbeat promo for 7pm on the 15th. Point people to the charities doing the work. And if you’re writing it yourself, keep the tone gentle and plain, in the way we talk about in your brand voice document. A good voice knows when to be quiet.
Inside your own team, remember that one in six pregnancies ends in miscarriage. Someone you work with may be finding this week hard. A quiet “thinking of you” message often means more than any public post.
How you can join the Wave of Light
You don’t need to have lost a baby to take part. Light a candle at 7pm on 15 October and leave it burning for at least an hour. Light it for your own baby, for someone you love, or for every family who’s been through it. Share a photo with #WaveOfLight if you’d like to, or simply sit with it.
If you see a friend’s candle, say something. If you see a name, say the name back. That’s what the night is for.
